Weight loss and Positive Mental Attitude, and all that Jazz…

Some days it hard to be positive, others have a habit of taking away things I cling too.  The last two Fridays at work have been a prime example.  I find it hard when I know people are bitching about me but won’t say anything to my face.  I’m also not about to walk away from a job I love because of one person, I’ll get the advice of my friends and deal with it.  I will be the better person in these circumstances.  It also means for the last two Fridays I’ve been in a foul mood and not spoken to anyone in my department after lunch.

This is also the first week I haven’t lost weight as I’ve been losing a steady 0.5kg a week.  This week I’ve plateaued for the first time 87.3kg (just under 13st 11lbs – two stone less than my heaviest recorded weight).  As the weights dropped off I’ve been getting more and more compliments and am starting to take a lot more pride in how I look, including a haircut and new colour.

I am getting fed by more of my clients on the run up to the exams and working longer hours.  Plus the day of the first exam I had students in I ate about 3000 calories.  So I may have fallen off the wagon slightly.  I tend to find if it’s there I’ll eat it – so biscuits and cakes at work is just as much of a nightmare.  Somewhere in me is a weakness, one I can never put my finger on.  I’ve worked so hard and as much as I don’t want to fail I manage to do so in some way.  When I was younger I could think of myself as naive, I could hide behind my dyslexia and at Uni I went to the gym and I went partying.  I was always slightly chubby or bigger, but that never seemed an issue.  Guys actually seem to like me with curves, I’ve just never felt confident about it!

Anyway, my current issue is my ex, the most recent one.  I’m vaguely on speaking terms with a previous one and the way things are going I will be not speaking to the most recent one for longer than I have too.  He is continuing to make subtle digs at me on facebook.  He is very much of the opinion I walked away because of his health – he has never actually considered mine it would seem as I struggled with my Asthma brought on by allergies and living conditions.  And what should worry people is out of a full week I could account for all bar 20 hours a week – Less than a full day when I couldn’t tell you exactly what I was doing.  Is that living?

My doctor wanted me to see a counsellor or go to a weight management class or something.  My only real release was an art class I went to a few summers back.  Learning to drive gave me a confidence boost and some freedom again.  I dread to think what else I sacrificed to be with him, friends and personal goals and dream would be the tip of the iceberg I suppose.  My weight increased, as did my workload.  I counted the pennies because I was left with no choice but too.  I literally had to make sure I had enough to afford my travel to work every month (public transport or otherwise).  I took a second job just because of this, and that job became my own business.

When you set up your own business you hope to do the best to be successful and have a positive impact.  But when your business partner doesn’t pull their weight then you can understand which partner get bought out.  To survive the weakest link needs to be removed to make the chain stronger.

When the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back happened I think he was in complete shock and then denial for a while.  The fact I had been existing not living seemed to be unfathomable for him.  The fact I was unhappy had gone unnoticed.  He blamed everything else, even my own mother, except himself.  I was hollow and drained because of him because I had had to push myself and take all the strain.  Things had been loveless and passionless for a while, but I never cheated.  I could have, but I didn’t – I chose to be loyal up to the end.

I’ve now started doing all the cathartic things of getting all of his stuff piled up to go to his, getting rid of my wedding emails, image boards and everything else.  I’m unsure what to do with my engagement ring as I paid for it in the end.  I am single, I am happier than I have been in a long time and I can be me again.  It would have been nice to know this 10 years ago, but I’ve changed a lot as a person since then so it probably wouldn’t have made a difference.  All I can say for sure is I know I have to get my priorities straight before I start looking for anything serious again.

And finally – I’m doing my first 5k, in memory of my Gran for cancer research.  Just the thought makes me emotional.

Exercise and Vegetables

I’ve been eating less meat, more cous cous and portion control.  Plus doing exercise four times a week (Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays at the moment).  I’m keeping this up at the moment.  I’ve not been too fussed at the less meat thing.  Okay I’m still putting chicken or ham in my sandwiches but at night it’s usually vegetable based.  Generally my weight seems to be about 100 kg.  I haven’t been calorie counting as such.

I’ve been conscious of my weight for a while now.  I got Facebook tagged in photos from about 10 years ago – eek! I was at least a size 16.  I know I lost a fair amount of weight as I was a size 12/14.  But at Uni I went to the gym and was single for a while.  I went out and got drunk and danced the night a way – that’s how I think I kept the weight off.  I also did the silly things like crash dieting, really limited my calories and variety.  Not my smarts move.

I’ve done Weight Watchers with some success, just never kept it off.

Week 8

I have one week left of the school holidays now, this time next week I’ll be getting ready for school again.

I think everyone know’s what my ‘Usual Breakfast’ – Shreddies, milk and tea.

Monday – Usual Breakfast, a glass of diluting juice.  Lunch was the elk with tomato sauce and polenta.  Then ryvita cracker bread with BANANA curd!  Dinner was the last of the Elk and polenta with a veggie burger. More cracker breads with curd and mikado. Just over 1600 Calories.

Tuesday – Guess what usual breakfast. Diluting Juice again. Lunch was Quorn Bites with mushrooms and relish,  Followed by Fruits and a fruit biscuit.  Dinner was fish and chips and a glass of wine a ice pole.  I did do a tonne of house work – had 1800 calories but had less than 1600 calories!

Wednesday – I had to have a herbal tea with honey as I had a sore throat this morning.  Later on I had my normal breakfast. I was out for lunch so I had a sanpellergrino juice with a egg may sandwich and butternut squash.  Dinner when I got home for work was our home made sweet and sour with rice (Hairy Bikers again) with a glass of wine. Less than 100 calories over – that’ll be the glass of wine!

Thursday – you guessed it usually breakfast.  Turkey burger in a roll (with tomato sauce) followed by a roll with curd. Plus a ginger beer.  Dinner was fish fingers, oven chips and baked beans.  Plus a glass of wine and a raspberry ripple moose.  Exactly 100 over – wine!

Friday – breakfast was the usual.  I had cranberry juice instead of diluting juice.  Plus lunch was a toasted roll with baked beans and a little cheese.  Our Graze boxes arrived so half a flapjack each (apple and cinnamon), and half a Herby bread basket and some very dark chocolate.  We had dinner out with the other halves sister, her bloke and their daughter (now 18).  So Steak and a baked potato for me with peas and everyone else tomatoes (a full grilled one and two very large slices) plus a big grilled mushroom!  I had a cider, a pear J20 then dessert was a chocolate tart with ice cream.  I redeemed myself by taking their dog out for two walks (a quick 15 minutes then a 45 minute run round the park).

Saturday – Bagel for Breakfast with banana curd and a cup of tea.  Graze boxes (halved again) Chilli Crackers and Healthy heart nuts.  Lunch was a fish cake and garlic bread and some baked beans. The last of my ginger beer.  Dinner was sausages in bread rolls (low fat sausages) and a cider. 2000 calories (fine if it was a normal 2000 calorie day)

Sunday – Bagel again today with a banana.  Herbal tea with half a graze brownie and salsa fresca (only 50 calories), later on we raided our snack a jacks (caramel) and then yoghurt covered rice crackers.  About five we had a banana sandwich and a corner yoghurt.  Later dinner of pasta and tomato sauce with hard cheese grated over the top with cider and another graze pouch (copacabana).  Over 2000 Calories.

Okay not the best week in keeping to calories, but I did cleaning and walked the dog so I have done some exercise.  But I do need to do more.  Our graze boxes – will only be once a month and I have picked the low calorie options.  I have to admit I did stand on the scales and was 100 kilos.  So fingers crossed I can keep it up.  No Photo’s this week as I’ve not had many interesting things to photo….maybe next week.

Week 7 – Monday through to Sunday (i.e. ALL of it)

Argh – what a week this has been.

Monday – Shreddies, with soya milk and my cup of tea.  Plus more tea and licorice.  For lunch I made up more egg mayo, so had a few sandwiches, plus a yoghurt.  I was tutoring so had a can of coke. Dinner was a couple of Quorn burger in rolls with sweetcorn relish and another yoghurt.  Before bed we grabbed a hot chocolate…

Tuesday – Shreddies and Tea again for breakfast. More Licorice for a snack. Lunch was a ham deli sandwich with cheese, salad, sweetcorn relish and coleslaw. Yoghurt again.  Dinner was Tuna and cheese melt and with chips and curry sauce (we went to bingo and I won £15 – shared full house).  So to celebrate it was a Costa tea and carrot cake.

Wednesday – Up late so almost skipped breakfast, cereal bar and tea. Lunch was another sandwich with ham and salad etc. Plus a Lemonade (sugar free and additive free drink).  Later on I had a pint of Orange and Cranberry Juice.  Dinner was Hash Browns, Veggie Burger and Baked Beans.  I grabbed a chocolate mousse and a muesli yoghurt…

Thursday – Toast with Jam (for a change) with toast.  I had an apple and a pack of quavers (aldi 12g pack) to sustain me as lunch/dinner was going to be later.  Mashed Potatoes, Sausage and peas with gravy – I had plenty of tea and had a piece of millionaires shortbread.

Friday – Toast again with tea for breakfast.  I had a hair cut (I’m toying with posting a pick) as I dyed my hair too.  We grabbed a fry-up (big mistake) of Hash-Browns, Bacon, Sausages, Potato Scones and Baked beans….  Later on I had a few meetings so I sanpellegrino aranciata (Posh fizzy orange).  Dinner was a roll and sausage with cheese and ketchup.  We’d nipped to the international market – so bought tomatoes and jams and jellies….So I had Banana Curd on Toast and a chocolate mousse again.  I had a few glasses of Sholer (grape juice).

Saturday – Toast with Banana Curd and a Pear and Tea.  I grabbed some fruit juice.  Lunch was a giant baked potatoe with baked beans and cheese (a hard cheese) – it was so big I couldn’t finish it! More fruit juice. Bingo again with friends – hot dog and chips for dinner plus J2O!  Later on it was a cuppa and a kitkat as I didn’t win but one of my friends won for the first time.

I had a liitle wake up call with my portion control.  I have been battling the same half a kilo with loss and gain and am getting a bit fed up of it all really.  So I’m paying attention the amount that goes on the plate!

Sunday – Shreddies for breakfast (weighed out 30g) and milk with tea. Went out to the big Sunday Market and had lunch (small fry up) – Bacon, sausages and potato wedges and baked beans, with a cup of tea.  We also had a 99 Ice cream – we did a fair amount of walking so felt justified.  Dinner was home made spicy tomato soup and ryvita crisp breads plus a yoghurt and a big glass of diluting juice…

Friday to Sunday of Week 6

Friday was a fairly normal day with Shreddies and Tea with Soya Milk, out tutoring so had tea and digestives for my snack to keep me going.  I grabbed a pack of Velvet Crunch and a small bottle of Iru Bru.  Dinner was home made Ham and Pineapple pizza and we actually didn’t have a full pizza each, with a glass of low alcohol wine.

Saturday was a bit of an indulgence as breakfast was croissant with strawberry jam, a bowl of strawberries and a cup of tea with soya milk.  I also grabbed licorice log, plus fruit juice. Because of the heat I had another Iru Bru.  Lunch was the last of the pizza and salad, plus a muller (style) corner. Dinner was fish finger sandwiches and chips, plus another glass of low alcohol wine.

Sunday was cinnamon and raisin bagels with flora spread, with my tea and soya milk.  I made up my own egg mayo (low fat mayo) and had egg mayo and salad sandwich.  Followed by dinner which was a low calorie home-made Sweet and Sour (A la Hairy Bikers) with quick egg fried rice.  followed corner Yoghurt, Tea and a glass of wine (low alcohol).  There was plenty of Sweet and Sour left so there are portions in the freezer.

Right I still weigh 101 kg. I have had a few days under calories and other days over….Need to do more exercise…argh!

On the plus side I can quite happily swap Soya milk for normal milk.  My other half hasn’t quite got the hang of it – having curdled his coffee on more than one occasion!  It looked like Miso Soup….. Only issue I can see is having two cartons open as I bought both sweetened and unsweetened.  Sweetened for cereal and unsweetened for teas etc.  If I made the change on a more permanent basis I probably would just end up buying the sweetened all the time.

Week 5 – Wednesday through to Saturday

I’m working from my tablet so don’t be surprised if there are spelling mistakes.  I’ve been fairly busy. Or at least have the appearance of being busy.

Wednesday was overall okay. Shreddies and tea with skimmed milk. Plenty of fruit juice and diluting juice to keep me hydrated. Had a veggie lunch with cauldron kievs with chips and tomato ketchup. Dinner was the last of the soup turned into a sauce. I had some gammon steaks in need of using so along with some couscous they became dinner. After that I grabbed a muller corner type yoghurt. Was a little naughty later on and had a snack pack of  haribo.

Thursday morning started off the same as Wednesday. Followed by a tuna mayo roll or two for lunch with lots of salad. I also grabbed a licorice log and a pack of my aldi quavers. Dinner was the last of the hummus with pitta breads, cheese, coleslaw, and salad all washed down with diluting juice. My tea at the sister in laws was swapped for my other half coffee as the brother in law decided to put sugar in my tea – I can’t stand it.

Friday was toast with flora spread with tea. Diluting juice as well due to the heat. My other half took me for lunch so I had a breaded plaice fillet with baked potato and corn on the cob. Plus I had a meeting in the afternoon so grabbed favoured fizzy juice sanpellegrino sparkling orange. And dinner was a home made pizza with quorn pepperoni style pieces.

Saturday was a weird day for me. I had a hefty breakfast cereal bar, fruit flakes, and toast with jam. I picked on that throughout the morning. My mum called so I nattered away for a good half hour. I then went to see strictly confidential as a treat and as it was an early afternoon performance we skipped lunch. I did get to meet lisa, natalie, iain and artem afterwards too. We went for our late lunch/dinner at an old haunt and both went for chicken burgers with their build your own option. Followed by chocolate brownie with ice cream – whoops!

Week 5 – Monday and Tuesday

Monday was a good day in the fact I was busy again.  I grabbed my breakfast (Weetabix and Tea with Skimmed milk).  Lunch was ‘Italian’ baked beans (threw some herbs and tomato Puree/Garlic Puree etc) on home made bread, with a little grated cheese and a cereal bar, again with a cup of tea.  I was working in the evening and was offer a drink – an managed a sparkling water with ice – it’s far too hot for me right now.  Dinner was another bowl of my veggie soup and slices of the home made loaf, with a glass of cider and licorice and haribo’s plus a herbal tea before bed.  Under calories!

Tuesday was a bit of a blow out – partially due to the heat.  I had a tea in the morning and grabbed a cereal bar and some fruit flakes (the yoghurt ones).  Later on I had more fruit flakes, raisins and dried apricots and a cup of tea with my biscuit cereal bars.  Lunch was another bowl of soup and bread.  Dinner however was the trouble – Veggie Pakora, Onion Bhajis and Veggie Samosa (all oven cooked) with Mango Chutney and Onion Relish!  Plus I found my bottle of Jack Daniels – one shot each left so had to grab some cola for a JD & Coke (full sugar stuff as I have a bad reaction to a couple of the sweeteners).

Other News – I have the bread recipe and photo’s but I’ll put them up in the next post as I’ll check the calories out first.

Saturday and Sunday of Week 4

 

 

 

 

 

So Saturday Morning I dutifully stood on the scales to discover – I weighed exactly the same.  Maybe I need to keep cleaning the house at the pace I was doing at the beginning of the week again (either that or fire up the Wii again).  Actually I haven’t been sleeping to well in the hot weather so that may also be something I can resolve using the Wii.  Noom has also been updated so it makes it easier for me to log exercise (apparently I can log driving as an exercise!) and check my previous days too.  I went slightly over on Saturday as we went to bingo in the evening where I won a cupcake/muffin maker! (will need to build up healthy recipes)

I got up really early so had a herbal tea and an apple cereal bar, and grabbed cereal and tea when my other half surfaced a few hours later.  It was a picking at things day – Special K Crackers, half a pack of mikado and more fig rolls! I stuck to J2O when we where at the bingo and swapped my usual burger for a chicken jalfrezi – so much more filling – and ended up with the garden peas off his plate (I forgot to swap them for baked beans when I ordered – oops).  Later on I had cheesecake, but found it a bit sickly!  And I grabbed a hot chocolate before the end of the night.

 

On Saturday I’d raided the freezer for frozen veg as our fresh carrots needed used up.  So out of the freezer cam home-made veg stock, sweet potatoes, butternut squash and red onions.  I thawed out the onions and then fried them off in some cooking spray (with a few choice spices), then added the thawed frozen veg and stock.  I then added in the cooked carrots and used the water to bulk out the veg stock.  I allowed a while to simmer and then used a hand blender to turn all the veg into a more soup consistency.  I added a few more herbs and spices plus a bit of ginger. And that was lunch and dinner for Sunday (and probably Monday too!)

 

So Breakfast was weetabix and tea (both with skimmed milk).  I met a friend for coffee and discovered Starbucks Refreshers (which apparently are only about 60 Calories) which are perfect for this hot weather.  I went home to soup with two rolls (one cheese topped and the other cheese and onion) which was fab and filling.  With my usual cup of tea in the afternoon to try and beat the need for a nap in the afternoon.  I grabbed a Ginger Beer with my second bowl of soup with rolls.  Followed with Licorice and half a pack of Mikado.  And was under my calories!

Week 4 – Thursday and Friday

 

 

So Thursday wasn’t to bad a day – in fact I nearly didn’t eat enough!

Breakfast was weetabix and a cup of tea both with skimmed milk.  Lunch (pictured below) was the rest of my Egg Mayo in wholemeal bread with tonnes of salad.  I disappeared off the the garage to pick up my car (which involved two buses and a lot of waiting around) plus a 15 miniute walk uphill in the sun.  Fortunately my other half had made up a bottle of diltuing juice for me and I had a cup of tea (whole milk) and after washing my car grabbed a cup of coffee (no milk two sugars).  It was a gorgeous day so all in all I was glad to be out and about.  Dinner was more of my Chilli Con Carne with Soy Mince so it was pretty low in calories but big on taste plus I finished off the Pitta breads with it too.

All in all I hadn’t had much in the way of calories and was getting a bit of a headache so promptly had the half sandwich my other half hadn’t eaten at lunch.  Later on I had half a pack of Mikado and some Fig Rolls.  Plus more diluting juice!

 

Friday was a little bit of a blow out – but not hugely in the grand scheme of things.  Breakfast was the same (Weetabix and a cup of tea with skimmed milk).  We went out to view a house and ended up going for a walk on the beach and lunch at the pub.  I ended up with a panini with brie, bacon and cranberry with chips, coleslaw and salad.  Wish I’d taken a photo of the Panini!  I grabbed a J2O as well.  We also had a frappuccino on the drive back. I had a client to see in the evening so had a can of coke and had a light dinner of Weetabix and licorice and more fig rolls, and a pack of crisp (aldi quavers – 69 calories).

I have a lot to think about with the house, it does need some work and not just from a aesthetic point of view.However it is very tempting from a financial point of view.

Tuesday and Wednesday of Week 4

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday was another day spent cleaning and tidying – still not finished!  We also nipped out to the shops for a good root around for bits and pieces we needed – i.e. healthy food.  I got another significant chunk of the Kitchen done and a few kitchen items I can happily pop up on Gumtree.

So Breakfast was the last of my cinnamon porridge plus dried fruit and a cup of tea.  We grabbed a late lunch at the supermarket cafe – we halved an egg and cress sandwich on wholemeal and I finally got my tuna and cheese toastie (explain to me why they put raw red onion in this now please?).  We grabbed a fresh (but price reduced) 14″ Cheese and Garlic Bread with the best intentions of saving half for today (we ate the whole thing between us) and had a yoghurt for afters.  Plus a glass or two of low alcohol rose fizz (should mean less calories too).

Today was slightly better – I dropped the car off at the garage for a service and had a brisk walk back after dropping of my little car.  I still did some more cleaning and managed some cooking too!

So breakfast was Weetabix with skimmed milk plus a cuppa (I drink a lot of tea but not nearly as much as I used to).  Grabbed a lolly which I ate on the way back from the garage (I had a cuppa there too as the mechanic is a friend of mine – plus I got covered in dog hair as his husky is casting in epic proportions).

Lunch is pictured below – Rocket and mixed salad leaves, one and a half wholemeal pitta breads, grated cheese, coleslaw, home-made Egg Mayo (low fat Mayo), and roasted red pepper hummus.

For dinner I used the last of my soya mince to do a chilli con carne with white rice and have plenty left for tomorrow.  I was naughty and had a ginger beer and dark chocolate for dessert.  But I made a small round loaf (and I have egg Mayo left over).  Looks like tomorrow with be yummy left overs!