Scars and stretchmarks – becoming body positive

I’ve noticed I have quite a number of scars that I’ve picked up over the years. Most I can tell you how I got, some are so old I honestly can’t remember. But the thing I notice more now are the stretchmarks I have all over my torso.  That to me, worries me a little. It worries me that they are on my tummy and my back and a few other places. I have to be confident in myself about these lines as the scars have stories – like the time I fell of a quad bike and ripped open my hand and knee. Stretchmarks are generally seen as part of pregnancy  (which is not going to be something I do), I don’t want to say oh yeah I was fat – I want to wear a bikini when I go on holiday and feel good about. Thankfully I have found effyourbeautystandards on instagram and am becoming more body positive.

To give you a little background i had always been a little bit bigger but i was sporty at school and went to the gym at uni and dancing the night away in the clubs of Glasgow.  I started my previous relationship a size 12/14 after the relationship before it exploding and I had been crash dieting, living off limited calories.  I knew it would not stay off and it did reappear in avengence but I did weight watchers and lost it again. But it didn’t last. I rocketed up to a size 18 and that seems to be where I stayed.  And that is the issue I was in an unhealthy relationship and food was comfort.

I’ve since lost over 20kgs in total and ditched all my (uk) size 20 clothes and bought my first pair of size 16 jeans in a long time. I have one bra that actually fit. So it swings and roundabout from that point of view. But i’m more financially stable so can go buy new clothes. I’ve had some great compliments and feeling more body positive than I have in a long time.

I will alway be curvy, I will always have scars, I will always remind myself that I have been there and done that. I’m much more than the scars and stretchmarks on my skin. I choose to get tattoos so I have to embrace my natural scars and marks.

My tummy stretchmarks

Exercise and Vegetables

I’ve been eating less meat, more cous cous and portion control.  Plus doing exercise four times a week (Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays at the moment).  I’m keeping this up at the moment.  I’ve not been too fussed at the less meat thing.  Okay I’m still putting chicken or ham in my sandwiches but at night it’s usually vegetable based.  Generally my weight seems to be about 100 kg.  I haven’t been calorie counting as such.

I’ve been conscious of my weight for a while now.  I got Facebook tagged in photos from about 10 years ago – eek! I was at least a size 16.  I know I lost a fair amount of weight as I was a size 12/14.  But at Uni I went to the gym and was single for a while.  I went out and got drunk and danced the night a way – that’s how I think I kept the weight off.  I also did the silly things like crash dieting, really limited my calories and variety.  Not my smarts move.

I’ve done Weight Watchers with some success, just never kept it off.

Week 8

I have one week left of the school holidays now, this time next week I’ll be getting ready for school again.

I think everyone know’s what my ‘Usual Breakfast’ – Shreddies, milk and tea.

Monday – Usual Breakfast, a glass of diluting juice.  Lunch was the elk with tomato sauce and polenta.  Then ryvita cracker bread with BANANA curd!  Dinner was the last of the Elk and polenta with a veggie burger. More cracker breads with curd and mikado. Just over 1600 Calories.

Tuesday – Guess what usual breakfast. Diluting Juice again. Lunch was Quorn Bites with mushrooms and relish,  Followed by Fruits and a fruit biscuit.  Dinner was fish and chips and a glass of wine a ice pole.  I did do a tonne of house work – had 1800 calories but had less than 1600 calories!

Wednesday – I had to have a herbal tea with honey as I had a sore throat this morning.  Later on I had my normal breakfast. I was out for lunch so I had a sanpellergrino juice with a egg may sandwich and butternut squash.  Dinner when I got home for work was our home made sweet and sour with rice (Hairy Bikers again) with a glass of wine. Less than 100 calories over – that’ll be the glass of wine!

Thursday – you guessed it usually breakfast.  Turkey burger in a roll (with tomato sauce) followed by a roll with curd. Plus a ginger beer.  Dinner was fish fingers, oven chips and baked beans.  Plus a glass of wine and a raspberry ripple moose.  Exactly 100 over – wine!

Friday – breakfast was the usual.  I had cranberry juice instead of diluting juice.  Plus lunch was a toasted roll with baked beans and a little cheese.  Our Graze boxes arrived so half a flapjack each (apple and cinnamon), and half a Herby bread basket and some very dark chocolate.  We had dinner out with the other halves sister, her bloke and their daughter (now 18).  So Steak and a baked potato for me with peas and everyone else tomatoes (a full grilled one and two very large slices) plus a big grilled mushroom!  I had a cider, a pear J20 then dessert was a chocolate tart with ice cream.  I redeemed myself by taking their dog out for two walks (a quick 15 minutes then a 45 minute run round the park).

Saturday – Bagel for Breakfast with banana curd and a cup of tea.  Graze boxes (halved again) Chilli Crackers and Healthy heart nuts.  Lunch was a fish cake and garlic bread and some baked beans. The last of my ginger beer.  Dinner was sausages in bread rolls (low fat sausages) and a cider. 2000 calories (fine if it was a normal 2000 calorie day)

Sunday – Bagel again today with a banana.  Herbal tea with half a graze brownie and salsa fresca (only 50 calories), later on we raided our snack a jacks (caramel) and then yoghurt covered rice crackers.  About five we had a banana sandwich and a corner yoghurt.  Later dinner of pasta and tomato sauce with hard cheese grated over the top with cider and another graze pouch (copacabana).  Over 2000 Calories.

Okay not the best week in keeping to calories, but I did cleaning and walked the dog so I have done some exercise.  But I do need to do more.  Our graze boxes – will only be once a month and I have picked the low calorie options.  I have to admit I did stand on the scales and was 100 kilos.  So fingers crossed I can keep it up.  No Photo’s this week as I’ve not had many interesting things to photo….maybe next week.

Week 7 – Monday through to Sunday (i.e. ALL of it)

Argh – what a week this has been.

Monday – Shreddies, with soya milk and my cup of tea.  Plus more tea and licorice.  For lunch I made up more egg mayo, so had a few sandwiches, plus a yoghurt.  I was tutoring so had a can of coke. Dinner was a couple of Quorn burger in rolls with sweetcorn relish and another yoghurt.  Before bed we grabbed a hot chocolate…

Tuesday – Shreddies and Tea again for breakfast. More Licorice for a snack. Lunch was a ham deli sandwich with cheese, salad, sweetcorn relish and coleslaw. Yoghurt again.  Dinner was Tuna and cheese melt and with chips and curry sauce (we went to bingo and I won £15 – shared full house).  So to celebrate it was a Costa tea and carrot cake.

Wednesday – Up late so almost skipped breakfast, cereal bar and tea. Lunch was another sandwich with ham and salad etc. Plus a Lemonade (sugar free and additive free drink).  Later on I had a pint of Orange and Cranberry Juice.  Dinner was Hash Browns, Veggie Burger and Baked Beans.  I grabbed a chocolate mousse and a muesli yoghurt…

Thursday – Toast with Jam (for a change) with toast.  I had an apple and a pack of quavers (aldi 12g pack) to sustain me as lunch/dinner was going to be later.  Mashed Potatoes, Sausage and peas with gravy – I had plenty of tea and had a piece of millionaires shortbread.

Friday – Toast again with tea for breakfast.  I had a hair cut (I’m toying with posting a pick) as I dyed my hair too.  We grabbed a fry-up (big mistake) of Hash-Browns, Bacon, Sausages, Potato Scones and Baked beans….  Later on I had a few meetings so I sanpellegrino aranciata (Posh fizzy orange).  Dinner was a roll and sausage with cheese and ketchup.  We’d nipped to the international market – so bought tomatoes and jams and jellies….So I had Banana Curd on Toast and a chocolate mousse again.  I had a few glasses of Sholer (grape juice).

Saturday – Toast with Banana Curd and a Pear and Tea.  I grabbed some fruit juice.  Lunch was a giant baked potatoe with baked beans and cheese (a hard cheese) – it was so big I couldn’t finish it! More fruit juice. Bingo again with friends – hot dog and chips for dinner plus J2O!  Later on it was a cuppa and a kitkat as I didn’t win but one of my friends won for the first time.

I had a liitle wake up call with my portion control.  I have been battling the same half a kilo with loss and gain and am getting a bit fed up of it all really.  So I’m paying attention the amount that goes on the plate!

Sunday – Shreddies for breakfast (weighed out 30g) and milk with tea. Went out to the big Sunday Market and had lunch (small fry up) – Bacon, sausages and potato wedges and baked beans, with a cup of tea.  We also had a 99 Ice cream – we did a fair amount of walking so felt justified.  Dinner was home made spicy tomato soup and ryvita crisp breads plus a yoghurt and a big glass of diluting juice…

Friday to Sunday of Week 6

Friday was a fairly normal day with Shreddies and Tea with Soya Milk, out tutoring so had tea and digestives for my snack to keep me going.  I grabbed a pack of Velvet Crunch and a small bottle of Iru Bru.  Dinner was home made Ham and Pineapple pizza and we actually didn’t have a full pizza each, with a glass of low alcohol wine.

Saturday was a bit of an indulgence as breakfast was croissant with strawberry jam, a bowl of strawberries and a cup of tea with soya milk.  I also grabbed licorice log, plus fruit juice. Because of the heat I had another Iru Bru.  Lunch was the last of the pizza and salad, plus a muller (style) corner. Dinner was fish finger sandwiches and chips, plus another glass of low alcohol wine.

Sunday was cinnamon and raisin bagels with flora spread, with my tea and soya milk.  I made up my own egg mayo (low fat mayo) and had egg mayo and salad sandwich.  Followed by dinner which was a low calorie home-made Sweet and Sour (A la Hairy Bikers) with quick egg fried rice.  followed corner Yoghurt, Tea and a glass of wine (low alcohol).  There was plenty of Sweet and Sour left so there are portions in the freezer.

Right I still weigh 101 kg. I have had a few days under calories and other days over….Need to do more exercise…argh!

On the plus side I can quite happily swap Soya milk for normal milk.  My other half hasn’t quite got the hang of it – having curdled his coffee on more than one occasion!  It looked like Miso Soup….. Only issue I can see is having two cartons open as I bought both sweetened and unsweetened.  Sweetened for cereal and unsweetened for teas etc.  If I made the change on a more permanent basis I probably would just end up buying the sweetened all the time.

Week 6 so Far (Until Thursday) & Sunday of Week 5

It’s been a long few days to get to Thursday.

Sunday was a fairly normal day – snack breakfast yoghurt, dried fruit, cereal bars. Lunch was veggie falafel’s with spicy tomato sauce (homemade) with noodles followed by a yoghurt and a cider. Dinner later was wholemeal toast with flora spread and strawberry jam with a Hot Chocolate.

Monday was a work day – Shreddies and Tea (skimmed milk).  I took the dog a very long walk (about 5 miles). Lunch was cheese on toast with sweetcorn relish, Crisps and a yoghurt plus a cereal bar.  Fish and Chips with tomato sauce for dinner.

Tuesday – Shreddies and tea with skimmed milk again. We had lunch out – Baked Potato with Chilli Con Carne and salad, plus a bit of carrot cake and cheesecake (me and my other halved shared our desserts).  I made quorn spaghetti for dinner that evening and had a cider and half a pack of mikado.

Wednesday was a busy day but I swapped my skimmed milk for Soya to see if that helped with the weight loss.  Still had shreddies and tea.  Took a bit of time to get used to the soya milk but going by the other.  Lunch was the last of the pasta with a Caldron Kiev.  Plus a yoghurt.  Dinner at the pub – steak with a baked potato but this time a load-up (i.e. Corn on the Cob, Onion Rings and Garlic Mushrooms. Plus a J2O.

Thursday (Yesterday) was a standard breakfast (shreddies and tea) with soya milk.  lunch was Miso soup plus Velvet Crunches, dried fruit, cereal bar and a yoghurt.  We grabbed a drink (a snapple) when we where at the garden centre.  Dinner was quorn burgers in rolls with sweetcorn relish and a glass of low alcohol wine.

I have lost weight this week, and noom has cut my calories, plus I’ve done a lot of walking.  Next week I hope to have some time to do my Wii Fit Stuff too.  I still have cleaning and tidying to do too.

Week 5 – Wednesday through to Saturday

I’m working from my tablet so don’t be surprised if there are spelling mistakes.  I’ve been fairly busy. Or at least have the appearance of being busy.

Wednesday was overall okay. Shreddies and tea with skimmed milk. Plenty of fruit juice and diluting juice to keep me hydrated. Had a veggie lunch with cauldron kievs with chips and tomato ketchup. Dinner was the last of the soup turned into a sauce. I had some gammon steaks in need of using so along with some couscous they became dinner. After that I grabbed a muller corner type yoghurt. Was a little naughty later on and had a snack pack of  haribo.

Thursday morning started off the same as Wednesday. Followed by a tuna mayo roll or two for lunch with lots of salad. I also grabbed a licorice log and a pack of my aldi quavers. Dinner was the last of the hummus with pitta breads, cheese, coleslaw, and salad all washed down with diluting juice. My tea at the sister in laws was swapped for my other half coffee as the brother in law decided to put sugar in my tea – I can’t stand it.

Friday was toast with flora spread with tea. Diluting juice as well due to the heat. My other half took me for lunch so I had a breaded plaice fillet with baked potato and corn on the cob. Plus I had a meeting in the afternoon so grabbed favoured fizzy juice sanpellegrino sparkling orange. And dinner was a home made pizza with quorn pepperoni style pieces.

Saturday was a weird day for me. I had a hefty breakfast cereal bar, fruit flakes, and toast with jam. I picked on that throughout the morning. My mum called so I nattered away for a good half hour. I then went to see strictly confidential as a treat and as it was an early afternoon performance we skipped lunch. I did get to meet lisa, natalie, iain and artem afterwards too. We went for our late lunch/dinner at an old haunt and both went for chicken burgers with their build your own option. Followed by chocolate brownie with ice cream – whoops!

Bread Recipe

My bread recipe

Please see this Link for Bread Photos (Hosted on DropBox).

Ingredients

Yeast Mixture

• 1 dessert spoon of Allinson’s Dried Active Yeast
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 dessert spoon of Fruit Sugar (low GI for the health conscious)
• 250ml water. (50ml hot, 200ml cold)

Bread Dough

• 450g – 500g bread flour (individual choice which one to go for)
• 1-2 dessert spoons of olive oil
• Extra flour for moulding and to give it that artisan feeling

 

Method

Yeast mixture

Into a bowl put the yeast and salt.  Into a measuring jug put the sugar and a teaspoon of salt.  Take 50ml of hot water straight from the kettle and add 100ml water from the fridge; we use a water filter, and stir this until the sugar has dissolved.  Then pour this into the bowl with the yeast.  Whisk this until the yeast has almost dissolved and then add another 100 ml of cold water straight from the fridge (water filter).  Whisk this again for a further minute of two and then leave covered for 15 minutes to allow the yeast mixture to ferment.After 15 minutes, a further whisking and then it’s time for the bread flour.

Bread Dough

Measure out your bread flour to either 450g or 500g.  For this recipe, I chose roughly 60% white seeded Allinsons bread flour and roughly 40% strong white bread flour.  This was poured into the yeast mixture once the final whisking has been done.  Then the olive oil was added to this. The oil is used to bind the bread together and to stop it becoming crumbly.  And with a mixer and dough hooks attached, I mixed the dough until it resembled play dough with the same texture.  Then it’s time to get the hands dirty.  I discarded the mixer and started kneading the dough for approximately 5 minutes, adding some more white bread flour to avoid the bread dough sticking to my fingers.  Once the kneading has been done, leave the dough covered for approximately 30 minutes.  This stage is called proving.  But the longer you prove the bread dough, the tastier the loaf at the end will be.  The dough should double its size in the proving.  The dough should feel more like builders putty as the gluten strands would then be ready for the next stage.Moulding the Bread

Once your 30 minutes has elapsed, or however long you decide to prove your dough for, it is time to mould the bread into the final shape.  This stage is called knocking back as you knock back the air from the loaf.  I use silicone moulds for the bread.  Pour a teaspoon of flour into the mould and make sure to cover the entire inside of the mould.  Then, using a spatula or bread scraper (which I was given as a present) empty the bowl of dough onto a floured surface and start the kneading process which should tighten the gluten in the dough and make the loaf more pliable.  Once you’ve kneaded this for a further five minutes, it is now time to shape it into the shape of the mould.  I usually give it a sausage shape and fold the ends underneath.  Once this has been done, pick it up using both ends so that the folds shouldn’t unfold.  Lower it gently into the Loaf mould and cover it using a clean tea towel.  I use the top of a bread barrel that we use for the completed bread.  Leave this for a further 30 minutes to prove again.  But as I said earlier, the longer you leave it to prove, the tastier the completed bread loaf.Baking the Bread

Once the final proving has taken place, it is now time to bake your bread.  Pre-heat your oven to 200 degrees centigrade.  Then once this is done, put your loaf in the top of the oven.  After ten minutes, lower the heat to 190 degrees and leave it for 30 minutes.  You can lengthen the proving times, but the baking cannot be changed, or you will burn your loaf.  After the baking, enjoy the spoils of your efforts.

 

Including bread ends we got about 12-14 slices per loaf.  I used calorie count to analyses the recipe and got the following results (500g of bread flour used)

Week 5 – Monday and Tuesday

Monday was a good day in the fact I was busy again.  I grabbed my breakfast (Weetabix and Tea with Skimmed milk).  Lunch was ‘Italian’ baked beans (threw some herbs and tomato Puree/Garlic Puree etc) on home made bread, with a little grated cheese and a cereal bar, again with a cup of tea.  I was working in the evening and was offer a drink – an managed a sparkling water with ice – it’s far too hot for me right now.  Dinner was another bowl of my veggie soup and slices of the home made loaf, with a glass of cider and licorice and haribo’s plus a herbal tea before bed.  Under calories!

Tuesday was a bit of a blow out – partially due to the heat.  I had a tea in the morning and grabbed a cereal bar and some fruit flakes (the yoghurt ones).  Later on I had more fruit flakes, raisins and dried apricots and a cup of tea with my biscuit cereal bars.  Lunch was another bowl of soup and bread.  Dinner however was the trouble – Veggie Pakora, Onion Bhajis and Veggie Samosa (all oven cooked) with Mango Chutney and Onion Relish!  Plus I found my bottle of Jack Daniels – one shot each left so had to grab some cola for a JD & Coke (full sugar stuff as I have a bad reaction to a couple of the sweeteners).

Other News – I have the bread recipe and photo’s but I’ll put them up in the next post as I’ll check the calories out first.

Saturday and Sunday of Week 4

 

 

 

 

 

So Saturday Morning I dutifully stood on the scales to discover – I weighed exactly the same.  Maybe I need to keep cleaning the house at the pace I was doing at the beginning of the week again (either that or fire up the Wii again).  Actually I haven’t been sleeping to well in the hot weather so that may also be something I can resolve using the Wii.  Noom has also been updated so it makes it easier for me to log exercise (apparently I can log driving as an exercise!) and check my previous days too.  I went slightly over on Saturday as we went to bingo in the evening where I won a cupcake/muffin maker! (will need to build up healthy recipes)

I got up really early so had a herbal tea and an apple cereal bar, and grabbed cereal and tea when my other half surfaced a few hours later.  It was a picking at things day – Special K Crackers, half a pack of mikado and more fig rolls! I stuck to J2O when we where at the bingo and swapped my usual burger for a chicken jalfrezi – so much more filling – and ended up with the garden peas off his plate (I forgot to swap them for baked beans when I ordered – oops).  Later on I had cheesecake, but found it a bit sickly!  And I grabbed a hot chocolate before the end of the night.

 

On Saturday I’d raided the freezer for frozen veg as our fresh carrots needed used up.  So out of the freezer cam home-made veg stock, sweet potatoes, butternut squash and red onions.  I thawed out the onions and then fried them off in some cooking spray (with a few choice spices), then added the thawed frozen veg and stock.  I then added in the cooked carrots and used the water to bulk out the veg stock.  I allowed a while to simmer and then used a hand blender to turn all the veg into a more soup consistency.  I added a few more herbs and spices plus a bit of ginger. And that was lunch and dinner for Sunday (and probably Monday too!)

 

So Breakfast was weetabix and tea (both with skimmed milk).  I met a friend for coffee and discovered Starbucks Refreshers (which apparently are only about 60 Calories) which are perfect for this hot weather.  I went home to soup with two rolls (one cheese topped and the other cheese and onion) which was fab and filling.  With my usual cup of tea in the afternoon to try and beat the need for a nap in the afternoon.  I grabbed a Ginger Beer with my second bowl of soup with rolls.  Followed with Licorice and half a pack of Mikado.  And was under my calories!